On letting go

As a former fraternity president, I've heard plenty of excuses from prospective members about why they aren't going to sign a bid. While we have rebuttals ready for pretty much anything freshmen might come up with, the one excuse that I just can't understand is the issue of parents.

"I really want to join, but my parents are against it."

So?

By the time they enter the rush process these young men are 19 and already have a semester of college behind them. With all due respect to the adults who raised an Ivy League student, at this point their opinions shouldn't represent the final verdict. Parents should trust their kids' judgment and believe that they can decide what's best for themselves.

If the kid says he wants to join a fraternity, but that it's not like the ones his parents might see on TV, and that he's sure he won't be hazed, and that the fraternity provides opportunities for scholarship, service, and leadership, and that Greek life is a foundation of the Cornell community... then who are his parents to disagree?

Maybe my situation was a little different. In contrast to my friends (many of whom are Greek) who speak to their parents daily, I might call home every couple of weeks. I had a curfew throughout high school, but once I went off to college my parents rightly assumed that I was capable of making my own decisions. Any organization I joined, any classes I took -- it was left to my judgment.

So why can't these other parents let go? If not now, then when will they let their kids make their own decisions?